He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
