he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
