you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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