Tell her she can't have a vagina
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
