Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
