I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
