My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
