I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
