Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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