I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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