'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
