No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
