I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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