I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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