he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
