They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
