Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
