We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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