2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
