Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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