What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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