just come out here and I will go home with you...
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
