You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
