Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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