Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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