Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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