Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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