There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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