how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
