Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
