Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I looked at my own cervix.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
