You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
