youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
