i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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