does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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