It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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