i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
