Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
