I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
