Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
