why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
