I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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