I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
