Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
