Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
