The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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