Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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