Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
