I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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