The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
