Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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