i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
